“13 But we do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about those who are asleep, that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope. 14 For since we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so, through Jesus, God will bring with him those who have fallen asleep.”
1 Thessalonians 4:13-14 ESV

“19 If in Christ we have hope in this life only, we are of all people most to be pitied. 20 But in fact Christ has been raised from the dead, the firstfruits of those who have fallen asleep. 21 For as by a man came death, by a man has come also the resurrection of the dead.” 1 Corinthians 15:19-21 ESV

Introduction

I am not exactly sure where to start when it comes to honoring Papa. I figured this was an appropriate occasion to write on some aspects of grief. Although all grief is as different as the spectrum of people’s personalities, memories, and circumstances, there are similarities in the permanent earthly loss of a loved one. This will be partly for my own processing and hopefully edifying to others. I may edit this post as things come up in my mind in the time to come.

The last time I was able to visit him, he still reached up to shake my hand with excitement although unable to speak at the moment. It’s difficult to think on now without missing him all the more. All of the staff that helped him in the final years of life enjoyed him greatly. His calm and gentle strength is probably what sticks out the most to me, as well as his head tilting back during a loud laugh. There are more specific areas of appreciation for Papa that I will try to describe below.

Jesus and John Wayne

When the popular book with the title above came out criticizing American Christianity, I always found it so funny that they picked John Wayne to be enough of a foundational issue to put him in the title as a poor representation of Christendom. It was a nice irony that my grandfather absolutely loved John Wayne movies and was a wonderful example of faithfulness to Christ, persevering through life. When I would visit him during the later years, even when his mind wasn’t functioning well, he would be reading his Bible. My uncle mentioned he remembered him always reading his Bible before bed. He led our prayers at family gatherings throughout most of my life and went to church weekly for decades with Nana. He stated the importance of Jesus and described his Christian faith and heritage with thanksgiving, humility, and joy. He enjoyed old hymns especially in a southern Gospel style. Papa, along with Nana, always welcomed those into the family that needed emotional and physical support. They cared for my dad throughout life meeting my mom (and dating in middle school!) up until his mental capacity switched to him being the one that needed care. My uncle had friends he recalls who they welcomed into their home with excitement and joy, that they stayed close with until present day.

“I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream” was a favorite Papa line. He would then hand me the catalogue of John Wayne movies to pick from that was sitting in front of the tv at all times. I always picked from the same 10-15 movies, and then he would find the VHS and we’d watch it, often serving as their tech support for how to work the TV. Oftentimes it would be a double feature and we would watch two. My Nana would fall asleep during the second (or first) but he’d make it through them both as late as it took. Him waking up my Nana with a laugh during a John Wayne movie is such a classic occurrence that will always stay with me.

He influenced my view on movies, and played a huge part in coming to understand the impact that a movie can have on your immediate experience, and the ability of movies to express truth about life that really plays out. My current love for movies was largely in part due to my dad and my papa. I always thought of my Papa as a mix between 2 people: John Wayne and Don Knotts, as Barney Fife. It’s hard to describe how these two opposite characters can mix into one man, but I can’t see Don Knotts or John Wayne without thinking of Papa. The goofiness of Don Knotts, and the quick wit and calm collectiveness of Wayne mixed perfectly in my Papa. His humor and consistent strength are great aspects of a legacy I hope to leave in my own life.

Buy Me Some Peanuts and Cracker Jack. I Don’t Care If I Ever Get Back.

Papa loved baseball. Not in the way one would expect. He watched the cubs, (Nana seems to be the bigger fan of the two of them) but wasn’t as into watching or following any professional baseball as much as he was into playing it, a lot. He created a simplistic baseball field in our backyard that existed throughout my whole life living in that house. The amount of times he would suggest playing baseball as family, including family friends from the neighborhood, was more than I can count. These are some of the best times I can remember throughout my childhood, even without liking baseball, and being bad at it personally. This is a small detail, but while mowing the lawn growing up every couple weeks, I would always have to make sure I went out and grabbed the bases to throw under the trees nearby, so that I wouldn’t mow over them if the grass grew too high. I nicked them a few times, but they held up over many years. Like most of our family get togethers, the games would involve the neighborhood families joining in eventually. Papa pitched the whole time and was excited throughout. Members of the family and neighborhood would watch from the swing set and chime in. Nana was always in the audience color commentating the events, while speaking directly to us. More than a few hits went too near to her for her comfort, but she remained there most of the time.

Playing Your Cards Right

Another distinct category of memories concerning Papa is loving to do all sorts of games. A classic staple of going over to Papa’s for an evening was playing cards, chess, Chinese checkers, and dominos for hours on end at the table that is now in my dining room. He consistently had some sort of contraption, toy, or antique that he found to show us. He was just so enthused about all the little things in life. It was a childlike joy that he maintained throughout his life. Being his partner in card games was always a blast. He was a “risky spades player” as my brother-in-law reminded me after his passing. I don’t remember beating him in chess or checkers ever. All of my siblings and cousins remember this characteristic with such appreciation.

Joy in Creation

The final aspect of Papa’s life that stands out concerning his personality, was his love for all of creation. My only experience fishing out on a boat was a day spent with just him and I out for hours catching nothing, and then not willing to call it a day, he brought me along the surrounding streams until he finally caught one. We skinned it for dinner, and it was the best fish I’ve ever had in my life. I assume this wasn’t just from Nana’s ability to cook it, but the joy that it brought to eat what you’ve caught. He took me hunting once after I begged to join, and we walked around all day on a cloudy fall day failing to find anything, just eating Hershey’s almond chocolate.

It wouldn’t be complete to honor Papa without describing how he loved my Nana. I’m somewhat at a loss for words in how to describe it other than giving himself completely to cherish her and enjoy every day with her. They packed up in Pennsylvania to move here and started fresh to build a life that I am still reaping from the benefits he provided. He would do anything for Nana. His calm and reassuring “Yes Dear” was one of the most loving sincere phrases I’ve heard from a human being. Spending time with the two of them was always a blast. Growing up, my siblings and I were all excited specifically to bring any girlfriend or boyfriend in our life to their house for double dates. Having grandchildren that want to double date with their grandparents is something that I think few grandparents can claim.

The Gospel and the Death of Death

Grief is a unique time to walk by faith to faith (Romans 1:17), from one degree of glory to the next. (2 Corinthians 3:18) There are some verses that I have in my heart as I process the grief of the loss of Papa. We are in a state of awaiting the finality of history in the redemption of creation with no more tears. Until then, all our tears are written and held by him, for they are not in vain (Psalm 56:8-9). Verse 9 in that passage says “When I cry unto thee, then shall mine enemies turn back: this I know; for God is for me.” Romans 8:31 asks us “If God be for us, who can be against us?” He then lists all things that could possibly squash our hope of the love of Christ, and death is his first example. (Romans 8:31-39) 1 Corinthians tells us God is putting all enemies underneath Christ’s feet. Then he shall deliver up the Kingdom to God. Verse 26 tells us “The last enemy that shall be defeated is death.” (1 Corinthians 15:26-28) Paul addresses the Thessalonians, telling them not to grieve as those without hope. Beforehand, in Romans 8, he also asks us “Who hopes for what he already sees?” and tells us to continue to hope with patience for what we have not yet seen. (Romans 8:24-25). Paul makes one of the most powerful statements about the hope of the resurrection that we hold to with patience in the great chapter of 1 Corinthians 15. It’s personally one of my favorite chapters in the Bible. Paul says that like we all must do, Christ died a physical death, and he killed death by physically resurrecting from the dead. Our faith hinges on the reality of the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead to defeat death and bring us into glory. He summarizes what I’m feeling. “If in Christ we have hope in this life only, we are of all people most to be pitied. 20 But in fact Christ has been raised from the dead, the firstfruits of those who have fallen asleep. For as by a man came death, by a man has come also the resurrection of the dead.” (1 Corinthians 15:19-21 ESV)